I learned a lot about myself in the past few years.
I also learned a lot about other people: those I want in my life, those I don’t mind having around, and those I refuse to let in because I know better.
I’ve been through a lot, especially during my teenage years, but I only truly learned from all of my mistakes -and others’- in the past two years to be exact.
I now understand what my mother meant when she used to tell me that some people’s vibes are off, and when my father instantly noticed someone’s questionable behavior.
You really only learn from your own mistakes, no matter how horrible and devastating they are.
Life taught me to understand, forgive and forget. Because when you are someone who chooses to see the good in everyone regardless of the evil in them, you get tired after a while.
I was tired.
I knew some of the people I called “friends” were toxic, but I chose to ignore that when I decided to look at the positive traits they had. I believed in them so much to the point that, after a while, I had no energy left.
I hurt myself in the process of loving them because they were not worth it.
The toxic people I met were something like this:
- The insecure one who makes everything you say sound arrogant instead of confident.
- The delusional one who creates scenarios of things that never happened and actually believes them; then proceeds to make you go crazy.
- The one who fools you into thinking you have a nice and healthy friendship, when in fact it’s everything but that. You can never see the signs, it all looks normal until they decide to stab you in the back, right out of nowhere!!
- The one who’s only around to try to impress your boyfriend.
- The I’m faking being friends with you to impress you and try to take you away from your boyfriend. (Right, because I’m a 12-year-old.)
- The one with the never-ending drama and tears, even when it’s not really worth it. Negativity 24/7.
- The let’s hang out to gossip and never discuss anything interesting EVER.
- The one who only appears when they need something from you.
- The tell me everything about yourself while I tell you absolutely nothing about myself because I have trust issues and lowkey don’t want any close friends.
- This one I hate the most: the arrogant self-absorbed selfish one who turns every possible conversation about them, always making you feel like they’re better than everyone else, always bragging about their achievements, condescending and annoying. Their opinion is the only one that matters to them, and God forbid you’re not as arrogant as them because if you treat them nicely they think you lack character. Bitch, no. My parents taught me better. If anything, you’re acting a little insecure and showing fear.
And well, while it seems normal to meet all kinds of people, it really is exhausting.
My mental health truly deteriorated until I decided I can no longer tolerate any shit from anyone!
I decided that I will no longer accept to let anyone in because I’m not afraid of rejecting toxic friendships, I’m not afraid of seeming rude, I don’t care if I’m alone at some point, and I’m certainly not worried of people disliking me.
At the end of the day, I know who I am.
I know that I’m growing as I learn, and I love it when I notice the growth of another person.
When someone recognizes how much I’ve changed, it makes me happy knowing that I’ve been working so hard to become the best version of myself possible.
I was not and will never be perfect, I don’t expect people I meet to be perfect either – in fact, I have zero expectations in people because I can’t stand disappointment- but I only spend my time looking for beautiful souls who know how to enjoy the moment, love life, understand that sometimes we all get too busy to talk, and remain loyal to a friendship through honesty and transparency.
At this point in my life, if you’re anything other than that, I’m no longer afraid of keeping my distance from you.
I deserve to be happy.